The 73-year-old former nursing home assistant says she can no longer sleep at night as she struggles to fight off the groping ghost.
She said: "It's like an octopus. It started four months ago. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands.
"I kicked frantically and it went away. Next time it came I hurled the duvet on to the floor!
"But the ghost keeps coming back. I've tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress.
"I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference.
"I told my 16-year-old granddaughter and she was gobsmacked. She said I must be joking.
"People are going to think I am mad but it is as real as the day to me. I'm not lonely. I love living alone.
"But this is very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It's harassing me. I need to call in the Ghostbusters.
"I told the vicar and he said it is a lost spirit. What I want to know is, why has it got lost in my flat?"
But help is at hand thanks to the Herne Bay Times.
We contacted husband-and-wife ghost-hunters Ray and Beryl Herne from Central Parade to send the poltergeist packing.
Spirit medium Ray, a 52-year-old lorry driver, says he can draw the gross ghost into him while Beryl, 59, will envelope it in a "vortex of light" and send it to the "other side."
Beryl said: "Sometimes spirits need to be here. There is usually a reason. Sometimes it's family. Sometimes we have to alleviate some stress."
Methodist Minister Hugh-Nigel Sheehan, 68, of Mortimer Street's United Church, said: "I was approached by Mrs Birch but I fear I am not in a position to help. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
"I have no expertise in this at all. I am neither a trained counsellor nor from a church with a tradition of exorcism such as the Catholic Church. It is very difficult to know how to respond."
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